MOTHERHOOD: WHAT I THOUGHT I KNEW

If you don't know my story, we adopted at age 42, two years after a failed IVF and at the end of our rope. It was fast and furious and a shock to the system. The chandelier shipment from China was due to arrive at port the day Lulu was to be born. Turns out she came 10 days early, and we were able to handle the shipment, but for months, if you saw me, my hair was disheveled, I was crazy from lack of sleep and I was having trouble balancing motherhood and a business. I don't really miss that first year, because it was so hard on me. 

Lulu Ketchum
Terrified and excited adopting our daughter.

Terrified and excited adopting our daughter.

So happy.

So happy.

I thought, well hell I really don't know what I was thinking. Did I think motherhood was easy? Or that it was something that would not alter things? I have no idea. I suppose like many others we are so focused on becoming parents — we fail to see how hard it can be to parent. Becoming a mother — an adoptive mother at that made me rewire who I thought I was and what I believed in. It challenged my identity, it made me question whether I could parent, since I did not give birth, and it made my heart explode. I thought at any moment I would be crushed by all my emotions. 

There are days when it's still really hard. Raising a toddler and a still growing business is at times a precarious balancing act. There are days it's lonely. There are days when I just want 4 hours of time to work on the business, but dinner needs to be made. There are days when a stranger asks me in front of Lulu "where I got her" and asks me if "she is mine". I am still figuring out the adoptive world, my own insecurities and a compassionate way to approach all this. 

I recently made the connection that my business is a business and not a hobby. Sometimes I need to honor the fact I am also a business woman, entrepreneur and designer. Writing an article recently for Lady Project also helped me get clear on those points. I know there are many moms right now, balancing this high wire act with the skin of their teeth. And I know it will be okay. It's a new way to parent and work. The idea women can have it all is not new nor is it a fair statement. We cannot have it all. But we can strive to step into a balance where a flow can emerge. And that flow? It's wonderful.

Now onto pretty pictures!

Eva Martino, Susan Sarandon's daughter recently designed her daughter Marlowe's room in an Under the Sea theme. She used our Turquoise Octopus Chandelier as a focal accent in the space, and it is gorgeous. When I saw that space, I cried. There's real joy in seeing an idea that was once a sketch on paper — come alive in a beautiful space. 

Tell me about your motherhood journey. I would love to hear!

xo Nicole

Eva Marlow Turquoise Octo Chandelier NK
Eva Marlow Turquoise Octo Chandelier NK 2
Eva Marlow Turquoise Octo Chandelier NK 3